


Caught Up In A World Of Uphill Climbing

by grumblesandmumbles



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Abortion, Canon Compliant, Drug Use, Gap Filler, Gen, Headcanon, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Pre-Canon, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 19:56:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4848425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grumblesandmumbles/pseuds/grumblesandmumbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pre-canon and Season 2 era Mandy Milkovich. This story references what Terry did to her, but nothing is shown or described in detail. It it only implied and/or referenced. I did not think this warranted an archive warning, but I did note this in the tags.</p>
<p>The song that's referred to can be heard <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoGcH2L68Mg">here</a>. The title of this work is also a line from the song.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Caught Up In A World Of Uphill Climbing

Mandy didn't remember the first time it happened. 

She remembered afterwards that she felt scared and alone. So alone. She felt dirty; not for the first time, but in a way that she hadn't experienced before.

Mandy had locked herself in the bathroom, turning on the water in the tub and drawing a bath. She had climbed in and scrubbed her skin until it was raw and pink. Eventually, she just sat there, knees tucked up to her chin and curled small in the corner of the tub. The water got cold and still Mandy sat.

It was the middle of the night and she thought she would be able to tend to herself unseen until she heard the knob rattle and a heavy thump.

She heard Mickey's voice on the other side, his annoyance tamped by sleepiness. "Open the fuckin' door, gotta take a piss."

Mandy pressed further back as if she could retreat into the wall. "Go away," she rasped. She knew Mickey hadn't heard her. The doorknob rattled louder and just when Mandy remembered it could be unlocked if you jiggled the knob hard enough, the door sprung open and Mickey burst in, ignoring her cowering as he stepped to the toilet and relieved himself. When he was finished, he turned around and saw Mandy for the first time.

She watched him analyzing her. "You alright?"

Mandy stared at a spot behind Mickey's shoulder, not able to answer or bring herself to look right at him. He squatted down and reached towards her and she scrambled to push herself further back. Mickey quickly backed away, hands up as if surrendering, making sure Mandy didn't feel threatened by him. He knew how it felt to be cornered. When she stilled, Mickey looked at her for a few more seconds before retreating. 

She sighed in relief, grateful to be alone. Tears burned hot down her cheeks and she started to shiver in the cooled down water. Just when she thought she was in the clear, she heard footsteps and Mickey came back into the room. He had a towel tucked under his arm and he unfolded it and held it open, waiting to see if she accepted his invitation. She became aware of her nakedness and didn't know what to do, but Mickey seemed to sense it and looked away, concentrating on the cracks in the ceiling instead. 

Mandy stepped out and Mickey wrapped the towel around her. She pulled it to her body, cinching it tightly and holding it closed. They stood there for a moment, each waiting for the other to do something. Finally, Mandy exited and Mickey followed her down the hall. She got to her bedroom and hesitated outside the door. She didn't want to go in there. Not after that.

Mickey sensed her discomfort, though he still had no idea what was causing it. "You can crash in my room if you want."

Mandy stared at him for a moment before nodding. She didn't even go in her room for clothes, just turned and slowly trudged into Mickey's room. He followed her and pulled an old t-shirt and sweatpants out of his dresser. He left the room and she took the opportunity to toss the towel aside, pull the clothes on and sit down on the bed.

When Mickey came back, he had the old afghan their mother had knitted in his hands. He wrapped it around her and laid next to her on the bed. He didn't push, didn't pry. Mandy wasn't sure how she felt about that, but she wasn't ready to tell him either, and she thought it was probably better this way.

Mandy felt her brother watching her, knew he always tried to watch out for her, but that he couldn't help her. She didn't think anybody could help her. She felt tears threatening to spill over again and she concentrated on fighting them off. Mickey reached for her hesitantly, putting his hand on her shoulder. Mandy was so tired. She was tired of everything in her life being so shitty. Tired of having to be so tough and strong. For once she gave into her need to be cared for, and she curled into Mickey's arm, burrowing her face in the crook of his shoulder. She felt him pull her in close and she felt safe. She knew it would never last, but for one night, she let herself believe. She had to.

\----------

It didn't happen often; Mandy told herself that made it okay somehow. 

The last time was not unlike any other time it had happened, from what little she could remember. It was only when Terry was in a very bad way that she ever heard her door open late in the night. But the result of that was something she hadn't imagined.

It had started simply enough. Some nausea and queasiness at first, then she had gotten sick and thrown up a few times. She didn't make much of it at first, assuming she had eaten something that had gone bad. No one in the house but her bothered with groceries or expiration dates and she thought she had just missed something. It wasn't until she overheard a neighbor talking about her pregnancy symptoms that Mandy took pause.

After a drug store test claimed it, a trip to the clinic confirmed it: Mandy was pregnant. She had so strongly disassociated herself with what had happened with Terry that it hadn't even crossed her mind that she could become pregnant. When the nurse told her how much an abortion would cost, Mandy choked out a harsh laugh. She could never afford that. She knew she would dread what came next.

It took three days before Mandy was finally alone in the house with Terry, her brothers off fuck knows where. He was at the kitchen table, deep into some coke and whiskey but no one else was there to bear witness, and Mandy decided she had to take the chance.

She dropped down in the chair across from him and leveled him with a hard stare. "Dad, I need to talk to you."

Terry was working on chopping up the coke and shaping it into lines to better snort and didn't bother looking up. "So talk."

"I'm pregnant."

He rolled a dollar bill and examined it before putting it to the first line and sniffing it up hard and fast. "What are ya tellin' me for?"

"Oh I think you know why." She leaned back casually in her chair, waiting him out.

He sniffed, whether from the lingering powder or a nervous tic Mandy didn't know. "Well, your problem not mine."

Mandy hardened her gaze and leaned forward. "You need to take me to the clinic for an abortion."

Terry scoffed at that. "I'm not paying for that shit."

Her frustration was building but Mandy tried to keep her cool; she didn't want to set Terry off. "I'll find a way to get the money, I just need you to take me. I'm not 18, they won't do it without a parent."

He shook his head as he prepped his second line. "Got better shit to do."

Mandy finally lost it, slamming her hand on the table to get his attention solidly on her. "Either you bring me to the clinic or in nine months there will be living, breathing proof of what you've been doing since Mom died. You don't bring me and people will find out just what you're about, and you'll go away. And this won't be just a few months and then you come home cuz of overcrowding. You of all people should know they don't like pervs and child molesters in prison, you prick."

Terry was silent, his drugs and booze forgotten, staring at the table instead of meeting his daughter's glare. "Just get the goddamn money and make the appointment."

Mandy left then, not wanting to provoke the situation further.

It wasn't long after that Ian helped get Mandy the money and once he did, she made the appointment. The day of the procedure, Terry drove her to the clinic and dealt with all of the paperwork, never saying a word to Mandy. She didn't care; what was there to say anyway? I'm sorry? None of it mattered. She allowed a nurse to guide her back to get changed and went through the motions robotically. The last thing she remembered was her mom's voice. _I named you after that Barry Manilow song, Mandy. Oh how I loved that song._

When she came to, Mandy was informed that everything was just fine and there were no problems. They wanted her to stay in the recovery area for a little while before she would be allowed to leave. She drifted in and out of sleep as the anesthesia slowly wore off. 

The same nurse returned with her discharge paperwork. "Sweetie, how will you be getting home? You need someone to escort you."

Mandy painfully pulled on her pants, the soreness taking over as the medicine wore off. "My dad, he's the one who brought me."

The nurse looked at her sympathetically. "He's not here and we can't get in touch with him."

Mandy knew that she should have expected that Terry wouldn't bother to wait and see if she was alright. She reached for the nurse's pen and scribbled a number. "Try this number."

The nurse nodded and stepped back out of the room. Mandy slowly finished getting dressed and sat down in the empty chair to wait. She stared out the window at the view of the shabby courtyard in the back of the building.

She was about to nod off in the chair when she heard the door behind her and the same nurse reinterred. "Good news, sweetheart. He's here."

Mandy turned around and saw Mickey behind the nurse, chewing his bottom lip into oblivion. She went to stand up, moving too fast and doubling over in pain. She let out a yelp and Mickey was at her side in an instant.

"The fuck happened to you?!" Mickey asked with exasperation and, underlying that, concern.

"I'm fine, Mick. Can we just go home?"

With Mickey supporting her, Mandy was able to make her way outside. He guided her to the family car, which he had somehow gotten his hands on, and got her situated in the passenger seat.

The ride was quiet, and when they got to the house, Mickey helped Mandy up the stairs and settled her on the couch. Once she was comfortable he hovered for a moment, unsure of what to do.

"You okay?"

She shrugged. "I had an abortion."

"Shit." Mickey thought that over while he worried at his lip again. "Well, at least you won't have to be a teenage mom, yea? Do I need to find the guy and beat his ass?"

The thought of Mickey finding out who had done it made Mandy's stomach flip. She shook her head. "Nah, it's all taken care of."

Mickey nodded his approval. "I bet it is. I gotta run out for a bit, you need anythin'?"

She shook her head no as he gathered his things to leave. As he passed her, he smoothed her hair down in an unexpected sign of affection. "Later, loser."

Alone in the house, Mandy thought about what had happened, how she had gotten here. She might not have remembered that first time, or most of the other times, but she would remember that last time.

Because she would sooner kill Terry than ever let him hurt her again.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr [here](http://grumblesandmumbles.tumblr.com).


End file.
